It’s that time of year again and I’m still trying to figure out how to “celebrate” Father’s Day without my dad but the days leading up to Father’s Day are emotional and I write as a way to cope and deal with another Father’s Day without my dad and my daddy.

I used to carefully select my Father’s Day cards for dad. Always choosing one cheesy sentimental dad card and choosing one cute daddy/daughter card. I saw him as both, a dad and a daddy. A dad, who gave me advice and guidance, a dad who was strong and firm but he was also a daddy. A daddy who knew when I was hurting, a daddy who knew when to give me space or to just pull me in for a hug and say things like “Ay mijita, it will be ok. What do you need?” That was daddy, always ready to make things better, whatever the problem. If he could do something about it, he would, or he would find somebody to help. If none of that worked, he would just try to feed you, bacon mostly.

As Father’s Day approaches, I move from sadness to guilt to gratitude and back to sadness again. I have learned not to fight the sadness, but to embrace it. I linger in that sad space and let the hot tear drops fall on my cheeks. I close my eyes, put some Freddy Fender classics on and just sit with my memories for a little while.

One Freddy Fender song that is especially meaningful to me is “Before the Next Teardrop Falls” When I hear this song, it makes me think of my daddy consoling me over a heartbreak or a loss. I knew he would always be there for me in life and now I know his love will always be with me, even in death. I miss you daddy!

“Before The Next Teardrop Falls”
FREDDY FENDER
If he brings you happiness
Then i wish you all the best
It’s your happiness that matters most of all
But if he ever breaks your heart
If the teardrops ever start
I’ll be there before the next teardrop falls
Si te quire de verdad
Y te da felicidad
Te deseo lo mas bueno pa’los dos
Pero si te hace llorar
A mime puedes hablar
Y estare contigo cuando treste estas
I’ll be there anytime
You need me by your side
To drive away every teardrop that you cried
And if he ever leaves you blue
Just remember, I love you
And I’ll be there before the next teardrop falls
And I’ll be there before the next teardrop falls